We spend much of our lives in repetitive unconscious behaviors that bring us continually to the same situations and types of people. We try to “improve” ourselves and our circumstances and hit a wall. This is why it is critical to build self-awareness to unlock the life we want to lead. One of the ways we can do this is by beginning to understand our filters.
The way we perceive the world around us affects what we experience. Depending on their filters, two people can have the same experiences with totally different perceptions and even results. We all hold beliefs and perceptions—the key is to become conscious of them and choose those that best can help create our best lives.
What Are These Filters?
To put it simply, filters are any deep-set beliefs that you’ve never questioned or truly chosen, such as messages you received as a child about your role in life, your identity, who you should be, and how you should behave. Much of the work I do is helping people identify and become conscious of their filters. Codependents will often have ideas about what a “nice” person would do and what a “selfish” person would do. These ideas keep us prisoner to repetitive patterns that don’t serve us or our relationship.
For instance, if you believe that telling people when you don’t want to do something is selfish, you will continue to deny your own needs and wants. You build resentment. You feel angry but feel guilty for your anger. And then, there is shame. It’s a vicious cycle. The thing is, we can shift these patterns—it really is possible. And when we do, we transform our life!
The filters, however, have been in us so long that it can be difficult even to see that they are there. It’s also likely that the filters came from family, so when we try to understand them, we often trigger resistance in those closest to us. This is why a trusted partner in the process can be so transformative. When you start to understand your filters and get clear on your actual needs, wants, and beliefs, you can begin to choose differently. When you shift your filter from victim to conscious creator, for instance, you can start to get honest about your role in your relationships and then start to change the ways of being that no longer serve you. You take back your power to change yourself instead of continually focusing on what others are doing.
Another example is when you begin to understand that your wants and needs are important. You start to question any ideas and filters you may have from childhood that you are too much or not enough. If you have been hiding your truth from others to people-please, you likely have yet to find people who honor and respect the real you. When you show up as the real you, the right people can show up to support you. It may feel uncomfortable at first, and not everyone will applaud you, but you will find new freedom and, ultimately, a new life on the other side of becoming conscious of your filters.
I have experienced and witnessed total life transformation. If you feel stuck in the same patterns and want something new, it may be time to become conscious of your filters. We will examine patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you and your relationships, and together come up with strategies that support you in developing new ways of communicating.
Kristina B. Gretouce is a Certified Life and Health and Wellness Coach with over 15 years of experience. Kristina offers a complimentary 10-minute discovery call—please contact her at 239.350.4544 and visit: www.codependencyfreedom.com. 704 Goodlette-Frank Rd N, Naples.