Did you know there are three stages of being in a relationship? Most people only experience stage 1 or 2, but stage 3 is the most fulfilling. Are you interested in finding out what the three stages of relationships look like? Interested in finding out how you can experience the stage 3 relationship? The first thing we need to do is clarify what each stage of a relationship looks like.
SECRET #3 in Relationship Secrets for Singles
A stage 1 relationship is one in which all you care about is what you can get from the other person. This level of relationship is extremely self-focused and you show little concern for the other person’s needs. This is clearly not a good approach and will only lead to temporary and shallow results. In a stage 1 relationship, there is typically very little transparency but a great deal of manipulation to get one’s needs and desires met. People who operate in a stage 1 relationship will move on to the next person as soon as the other person begins to realize they are being unvalued and used.
A stage 2 relationship is a relationship wherein you will give to the other person only if they have given to you. Because we are typically a give-and-take society, many relationships operate at this stage, similar to going to a store to make a purchase and giving money in exchange for a product or service. This way of living works really well in some parts of life, and relationships in stage 2 may be successful but can lack transparency, full trust, and can cause feelings of isolation. If one person pulls away because the other has not met their expectations, they may become a couple who coexists and experience a mediocre relationship at best.
A stage 3 relationship is one in which you are willing to give to the other person and meet their needs, regardless of whether they are meeting yours. In a stage 3 relationship, you choose to be completely committed to your partner and put their needs ahead of your own. When both partners are operating in stage 3 there is extreme transparency, connection, and freedom for you both to be who you really are. There is a deep trust and feeling of being truly loved and valued that the relationship naturally becomes one of giving on both sides. This type of relationship is the most fulfilling and beneficial for all of us.
You may be thinking that a stage 3 relationship is impossible, and you don’t want to get hurt again. That’s why it is so important that you become the best version of yourself before entering into another relationship. You also need to slowly progress in the relationship, first getting to know the other person on a non-physical level. This will ensure that you see the real person and not be blinded by the physical.
Practical Steps to Prepare for Your Stage 3 Relationship
Luke 6:32–36 asks, are you really showing true love by loving only those who love you? Even those who don’t know God will do that. Are you really showing compassion when you do good deeds only to those who do good deeds to you? Even those who don’t know God will do that. If you lend money only to those you know will repay you, what credit is that to your character? Even those who don’t know God do that. Rather love your enemies and continue to treat them well. When you lend money, don’t despair if you are never paid back, for it is not lost. You will receive a rich reward and you will be known as true children of the most-high God, having his same nature overflow with mercy and compassion for others, just as your heavenly father overflows with mercy and compassion for all.
As I meditated on this passage of Scripture, it seems that in order to operate at a stage 3 relationship we need to have a relationship with our creator. From my own experience, from my creator I have learned to have my needs met and be filled with the strength I need in order to give. Another important, practical step is to self-evaluate and look at some past relationships you’ve experienced or witnessed and be honest with yourself about the role you played.
Action Steps
Now that you understand what the three stages of relationships are, I would encourage you to write out the following action steps in your journal and answer them honestly. Then take the steps you need to prepare yourself for seeking that healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship.
- List two examples of each stage relationship you have experienced. List specific behaviors in each stage.
- What was your personal responsibility in each stage?
- List three things you can do to make sure you are equipped to operate in a stage 3 relationship.
Dana Lee is a Certified Life Coach and owner of Relationship Secrets for Singles. If you’ve almost given up and need someone to help guide you, send me an email and we can set up a free online Zoom “Meet ‘N Greet” session to see if this program is right for you.
RelationshipSecretsForSingles@gmail.com
www.RelationshipSecretsForSingles.com