I spent years trying to be the Good Mom. One year I grew Roma tomatoes in clay pots that I hand painted with the kids handprints. I blanched, peeled, blended, stewed and canned my way to the top of the neighborhood-mom-food-chain by making home-made organic pasta sauce for everyone to feed their kids.
Everyone asked me, “How do you do it all?” They would tell me that I was the most amazing mom! Amazing. And fat. And depressed. And miserable.
In order to achieve Good Mom status, I abandoned my needs to gain the approval of others. I didn’t really know who I was or how to really care for my soul, so I just maniacally cared for others as I slowly lost myself. Conventional wisdom often applauds women who put themselves last. While we may not be conscious of the priorities that drive our actions and choices, how we spend our time, energy and money will illustrate our true values. These are the priorities that I learned.
- Kids
- Parents
- Other moms
- Pets
- House
- Partner
- As for yourself… it doesn’t matter.
I was living a double life. In public, I was happy, perky and perfectly of service and behind closed doors, I cried, yelled, and neglected myself and others. Weighing almost 200 lbs. I grew resentful and angry. After all of my sacrifice, this is what I got? I had hit a rock bottom. Therapy, medication, nail appointments and new shoes just weren’t helping. I needed to see that it was my choices that got me here and my choices that would help me change.
I started a high velocity healing journey through the study and practice of yoga and shamanic energy healing. And in this process, I discovered my Naughty.
Why is Naughty Good?
naugh·ty ˈnôdē/ adjective: To be badly behaved or disobedient.
Exactly whose woman-mom-rules are we supposed to be obedient to anyway? I wasn’t sure. I realized that I can make my own rules. To be a Naughty Mom is to value caring for your body and soul first, so that you can joyfully care for those around you.
The Question
What do I do, that makes me feel good? I didn’t know the answer to the question. I had to experiment. I tried many things and some of them really worked. Yoga, shamanic healing, dancing in the kitchen, discovering new music, reading, writing, hot baths and sleep are all things I can do that make me feel good. So I started doing them more often.
I lost weight. Not because I had a goal, but yoga felt really good and beer and TV didn’t. When I was sad, I took a hot bath or meditated instead of Amazon shopping and spending more money than I had.
Tips for Being a Naughty Mom
- Be Self-Full. Explore ways to fill yourself up so that you have more to give and can give more joyfully. If you are depressed, broke, think this sounds selfish or are sick, then you need to get yourself back on track before focusing too much on others.
- Say No. Over the course of our lives some of us learn only to say yes to others request, demands, or expectations. Stop. Own your ‘No’ because saying ‘No’ to the jewelry party so that you can slip into a bath and read, is saying yes to you. (See Rule #1) Be Naughty and do what feels good to your body and soul. Maybe you need a nap. Do Yoga. Remember dancing? Move your body and learn it’s wisdom. For movement you can do at home, check www.Qoya.com
- Re-Wild Yourself. Get outside. Dance in the kitchen! Don’t brush your hair for a day. Skip the make up. Remember your natural face, movement, thoughts and natural self. When we re-wild ourselves, we increase healthy hormones and can be present with less anxiety and judgement. With re-wilding we remember that we belong here in the natural and wild process of life. For Shamans, embracing your wild nature by working with a Power Animal can re-awaken your natural, instinctual nature.
- Stop Saying You’re Sorry. If you hit someone’s car, please apologize. But do not apologize for taking care of yourself. If people are unhappy that you are taking good care of yourself so you can better care of those around you, then they likely need to start taking better care of themselves.
If you live by these four Naughty rules, you will feel good about being you and you will not be driven to the thousands of busy distractions that are keeping you from enjoying your kids, your time and your life.
Natalie Griffin is a life artist, international spiritual teacher, writer and rock and roll star (at least in her own mind). She is the founder of Naughty Shaman, LLC, home of the Dharma School which helps students identify their Soul’s Truth and release the fear holding them back from stepping into their Calling. Once a Director of Executive Development at a Fortune 100 Company, it appeared that she had it all. After a series of life changing events, concluding with her mother’s death, she couldn’t deny her Soul’s Calling any longer and started a high velocity journey inward through yoga and shamanism. Let’s create an awesome life. Start here: www.NaughtyShaman.com