Last year more than 255 million prescriptions were written for anti-depressants in the U.S. alone. That’s really quite an amazing number. According to the CDC, more than one in five women between the ages of 40 and 59 are taking anti-depressants. At least that keeps the drug industry happy.
Every week you can read about the latest celebrity meltdown, divorce or overdose and realize that fame and fortune by themselves do not bring happiness. Happiness is much more than money or achievement, and an unhappy life is a life of suffering.
Emotional Fitness
No one’s life is perfect and without challenges. We all have things happen from time to time that will shake us to our core. How effectively we handle them is what I call our emotional fitness. Are you able to handle any adversity or negative emotions that might surface and still be productive in all areas of your life? That is emotional fitness.
Our busy, fast paced, plugged-in lives create stress which magnifies the emotion. Feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, depression, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, and self-pity, just to name a few, all seem to get bigger under stress.
Most people tend to want to run from their emotions and avoid feeling the negative feelings but in my opinion that will make those feelings persist. Attempting to suppress emotions requires energy that might keep them down for a moment, only to have them surface in a more profound way later on. That’s not effective.
How to Improve your Emotional Fitness.
Begin to understand your body’s connection to emotions. I look at emotions as being wired into our nervous system, which means that moving your body differently will change your emotional experience. In my private client practice I work to disconnect the emotion from the nervous system.
I calibrate the emotional experience on a scale of 1-10. So if the emotion is totally overwhelming it would rate a 10, not really feeling it would be a 1. Measure the intensity of the feeling before you do anything with it, and then measure the intensity after. This will give you evidence whether the feeling shifts or not.
Here are some simple examples:
Breathing
If you are feeling any negative emotion, you are probably breathing up high in your chest. If you change your breathing into your lower abdomen, around your navel, the emotion will shift. Try it for yourself and see. Think of something that bothers you, and now breathe lower into your abdomen.
Does the intensity change?
In order to be more effective in your life and feel better, all you have to do is shift the emotions that surface. You don’t have to eliminate them completely. If you can take a level 10 emotion and make it a 6, you will not only feel better, because the emotion is more manageable, you will have more energy to do what you want.
Posture
Many negative emotions will cause us to unknowingly shrink ourselves down and compress. If a person is depressed, they have to physically close themselves down in order to feel that way. If you make yourself as large as possible by spreading out your legs and arms, and opening up your chest with your chin up, the feeling will change. Again, it is simply about moving the dial on the emotion so that you can be more effective.
Try combining the deep breathing with a widening of your body, taking up more space, and the feeling will shift even more.
Welcoming
I like to have conversations with emotions. Notice what you are feeling and say, “Welcome, my friend, thank you for stopping by.” That alone will frequently change the intensity of the feeling. What works is to embrace the emotion, make friends with the emotion, or at least understand the emotion.
Having a sense of curiosity about the emotion gives you an advantage over it. Emotions don’t want to hang out with you if you are curious about them. They tend to leave. My belief is that every emotion is here to serve us in some way so I am curious about them.
Inviting
Imagine that you have two chairs, one for you and one for the emotion. Yes this is silly, but it works. Invite the emotion to take a chair next to you and then offer it a cup of tea. This is another example of making friends with the emotion. Be curious about it.
In your mind’s eye, what does the emotion do? Will it sit with you or does it flee? If it’s still there, thank the emotion for joining you. Tell the emotion, “I’m here for you anytime you want to stop by. Thank you, I appreciate you.” Simply notice what happens and how you feel. You will feel better because the emotion can’t exist in the same form if you initiate making peace with it instead of fighting it.
Happy and In Control
In any moment, we are either operating based on our past or based on the inspiration of something compelling to us. The more you make peace with and embrace your emotions, the more they will shift not only in that moment, but also in the future. Your mind will begin to recognize that you can consciously change the emotion anytime of your choosing, so future events will reduce in intensity as a result. You will be happier and feel like you are in more control of your life. Try it for yourself. People find this to be a pleasant surprise.
Jeff Forte CSIC CME has a private coaching practice in Glastonbury, CT. He is the author of the 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and the Million Dollar Mindset. He is a key talent turn-around expert and a specialist in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Entrepreneurs, Attorneys, Surgeons, Teams, Professional Athletes and Couples. For inquiries or to schedule a complimentary consultation email: [email protected] or visit www.peakresultscoaching.com.